new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
