what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
3pm strippers are depressing
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize