i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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