All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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