Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
