Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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