He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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