What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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