Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
