i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
