hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
