cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
