You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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