Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize