I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
