Where did you get a picture of my penis
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
