sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
