I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
