I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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