I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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