Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
