Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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