I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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