so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize