i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
