and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
