i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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