IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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