Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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