He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
