He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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