Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
