when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
