Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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