UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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