WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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