Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
