you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
someone owes me an orgasm
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
