I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
