i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
