Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
