She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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