I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize