apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
