yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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