cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
