Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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