Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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