I puked a lego.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
