I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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