My nipple is on Facebook.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
