I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize