On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
