I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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