SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
