i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
