His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
