Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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