So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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