well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
