i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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