I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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