I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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