i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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