Ambien. No doubt about it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
