does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize