I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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