I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
two words: eviction party
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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