Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So. Much. Porn.
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