do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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