I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
