if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
