That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
