I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
