I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
