He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sext me about skeletons
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
