You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
