??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
