Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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