please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
