Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
