FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
In America we eat man semen.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
