we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
