I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
