I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize