either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize