I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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