i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize