Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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