I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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