My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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