Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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