I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
