His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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