Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Non-Jews are for practice
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Found your dick twin last night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
