Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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