The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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