Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
