note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
