wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
