sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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