i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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